Day 116 (Wednesday 11/14/12)- Las Vegas, NV

We started at Circus Circus to catch some free shows which run there all day, everyday.

Acrobats with nets and tightropes had us astounded and late. We had to get back to the other end of the strip for our focus group. We tried to catch a bus back, but after a couple of blocks the bus driver told us to get out. Walking would be faster. Turns out the traffic jam the bus was stuck in was not an accident but a plan.

While thousands of Las Vegans and tourists missed flights, and work, and racked up massive cab bills Shania Twain paraded down the middle of the strip on horseback, like an ego maniacal rodeo queen. In honor of her signing a two-year contract with Caesar's Place she blocked off Las Vegas Blvd to make her grand entrance.

We got a glimpse of Shania and took off. After having to jog several blocks (we could have used one of Shania's horses) I made it to my focus group just in time to stand around and wait. In line I overheard that the third installment of "Hangover" was being filmed. The lady in front of me had gotten to meet the film's stunt doubles. Made me think the bearded, drunk Zach Galifianakis street impersonator I had seen earlier might have been better paid than his tip jar indicated.

The focus group went okay. I added a few notes, got snapped at by the moderator, but only once. From then I only nodded and smiled when hearing comments like "I like to watch the show because I think the main actor is attractive but not too attractive." It wasn't until the very end when I had to defend to invisible LA interrogators why I was the only person in the group to describe the main character as "annoying" that I was ready to leave. The facilitator didn't seem to like Isaiah much either and wouldn't let him talk. This is likely because his feedback for the medical drama extended beyond "have more car chases and explosions." We perhaps are not the ideal demographic as television reception in the van is a bit spotty.

Though a little disappointed in the content of the discussion we earned $50 for an hour of our time and the process itself was exciting.

We finished the day in Old Vegas. We stopped in at the famous Golden Nugget casino and saw the world's largest gold nugget, and caught an outdoor laser light show. We also passed Heart Attack Grille. This restaurant dresses patrons in hospital gowns, has nurses rather than waitresses, serves sides of cigarettes and has a industrial scale outside its doors. Anyone over 350 lbs. eats free. Thank you to Isaiah for talking me out of getting a butter milkshake.

To end the night we got to see the world's largest chocolate fountain and competed with 20 Latin beauty queens to get a picture of the Las Vegas sign. Never did find where they were filming the Hangover though.

World's largest chocolate fountain

Sign in Old Vegas

The Vegas sign

Waterfall at the Wynn casino

A wise looking tree

 

Day 115 (Tuesday 11/13/12)- Las Vegas, NV

Visiting in an agreeably less busy and hot season may have been the reason, but we were surprised to find Vegas enjoyable and affordable. So much so we ended up extending our stay through Friday to make sure we didn't miss anything.
 
First money saving tip- Eat before you go out. Eating once will also save you time. We stuffed in our 3 meals-if not more-in one sitting at the Krazy Chinese Buffet. Then, wanting to avoid driving Las Vegas Blvd, we took a bus in. (Money and time saver #2). We popped into The Flamingo. After Flamingo's flamingos it was Treasure Island's sirens. Women danced in their underwear and sang a song so bad a ship crashed. The casino breathed fire. Not to be outdone Mirage set off volcanos. Animals and fire and all for free. The only disappointment-there were no lions at the MGM Grand.
Final frugal tip-a way to spend less money is to make money.

CBS has a studio in the Grand. Having been bound to confidentiality we can't say what show we watched, but can say we left the studio with an invitation to return and be part of a focus group. On our extremely long bus ride back (took the wrong bus. So much for saving time) we prepped. Did we mention the focus group pays $50?!

Flamingos at The Flamingo Casino

Blasts of fire at the Treasure Island show...

...and fireworks at the end

Blasts of fire at The Mirage volcano

 

Day 114 (Monday 11/12/12)- Las Vegas, NV

We decided to load up on food before heading out for Red Rock Canyon-A Filipino buffet that we soon found out serves anything but vegetables. Isaiah had plate after plate of unidentifiable meat, I got a great cultural experience. The roomful of Filipinos seemed surprised we liked their food. I nodded along encouragingly, my single plate of white rice and fruit shoved into the corner.

To Red Rock we rolled and once there, out of the van Isaiah rolled. First to the visitor's center which overthrew Death Valley as the best we've seen. Most of the exhibits were outside on a wrap around patio and were interactive. Divided into four sections, representing each of the earth's elements, the exhibits had great information and a spectatcular view of the canyon.

Inside, however, was my favorite exhibit. There I posed with 2 statues-a giant bronze lizard on the floor and a slow marching turtle on a shelf. Only one turned out to be real.

I mistook Mojave Max for an incredibly detailed book end. It turns out desert tortoises, like bears, sleep for most of the winter (for tortoises its called brumation). You would think Max would sleep tucked into his shell, instead he fell asleep mid step. He is expected to re-animate sometime in March. Local school children guess when he will wake up each year. Last year a child got within an hour. I have $400 riding on March 3. What? It's Vegas. You didn't think we weren't going to gamble, did you?

We drove around the park and hiked a path into Icebox canyon. The "path" seemed a vague suggestion. The "icebox" an apt foretelling.

Isn't he huge?

Mojave Max-Weird I know but actually just sleeping

Red Rock park

 

Day 113 (Sunday 11/11/12)- Las Vegas, NV

Sin City. Day 1-gluttony, miserliness, lust, laziness.
Drunkenly tattooing stripper ministers with slot winnings? No, a buffet. Well, more like lusting over a buffet.

Strip buffets starting at $40 led us into the real Vegas. Arriving on a Sunday proved ill timed and our adventuresome cheapness guided us to food we hoped to revisit. One buffet was closed, another shut down and the third charged dinner prices all day. Why not trade that for 2 lunches.

We found Las Vegas not one big filthy cesspool but more pleasantly boring. We drove through nice neighborhoods, spent time at a beautiful community park and saw that most things off the Strip are carefully maintained and family appropriate. Most people we met were clean cut and kind and at times even overly helpful with directions.

Our evening entertainment involved male strippers. The movie Magic Mike that is. It made for good conversation as Isaiah talked about how terrible it was (see below) and I defended it on the grounds that it had redeeming qualities. These qualities were of course a shirtless Channing Tatum.


Isaiah's review of Magic MikeDisclaimer: this might be even more riling than my Obama post. OK, Channing certainly has a great body and can dance. Dance his pants off. That is enough to get many women to watch. I wouldn't even try to critique that movie. But that was only half of Magic Mike. Now, granted it's a limited sampling size, but I have heard several women talk about how hot the movie is (some adding that it was also pretty bad). I found this strange. I saw Magic Mike as an anti stripper movie, one that perhaps proves women can be shallow too. I don't see how anyone in the movie is in any way desirable beyond their bodies. 
Mcconaughey is a creep, the rookie begins as an unemployed mooch who soon deteriorates into a drugged up wreck. Then there's Mr. Magic who is best friends with the kid, despite being more than a decade older than him and knowing him only a couple months. Mike is complicit in screwing up his young friend's life. But the kid, for his part, does his best to screw up Mike's life too. And the kid has a sister. Mike claims a variety of side businesses that don't pay and one can imagine between his stripping and partying don't get much attention. He is dumb enough to try and get a bank loan with stripper singles. And even with his inumerable jobs and years of saving he can't get his modest dream job off the ground. His girlfriend is using him for threesomes and as a psychology experiment. His prospective girlfriend is annoyed with him until their convenient and speedy connection at the end. Do women not see all of this or does all of this not matter?

Day 112 (Saturday 11/10/12)- Death Valley Park, CA

With a name like Death Valley we were cautious. Vandrea is temperamental and skittish. I imagined a desert apocalypse with hikers and animals in different stages of decomposition. I prayed for our and our van's well being.

Instead Death Valley was full of beautiful views, healthy living people and fiddles....

The weekend we visited happened to coincide with the annual "49er Days" celebration. The event involved a 20 mule team parade, the premiere of a new movie about the Borax company who employed the mule teams, and a fiddle contest bringing young and old (mostly prehistoric) together from around the country.

We pulled into the visitor's center knowing none of that. It wasn't until we crashed the unveiling of the hour long film that we started putting the pieces together. One of the pieces was that film was an hour long. We did not stay to verify.

During the gold rush of the 1800's there was a lesser known rush in the valley--a hunt for Borax, which at the time was indispensable and used for nearly every household/personal need. The owners of the Borax fields used mules to navigate the treacherous valley and safely deliver their product.

We got to hear detailed behind the scenes frustrations from the filmmaker about the Dial company, who now holds all rights to the Borax product line and refused to participate in the movie or the weekend's events. The rant reinforced our decision to not watch the movie in it's entirety. The caustically meandering introduction deepened our disappointment when we heard that the mule team parade had happened the day before our arrival.

We also heard all about Dial's Borax marketing campaign, which is either astoundingly ambitious and might involve stopping time or reanimation, or might be apathetic to nonexistent. "Every year that passes means more dead customers." Perhaps embalming could be part of its innumerable uses.

Better than the movie was the visitor's center, perhaps the best we have seen. We learned that Death Valley is the driest place in the U.S., has the lowest point of elevation in North America and is the hottest place on earth. We could testify to the valley being very dry and low but it was only 70 degrees. Since the record for the park and the world is 134 degrees, we picked a good time to visit (Libya had previously been thought to hold the record and was recently disavowed).

Wanting to explore we went to the parking lot to retrieve our van. It was then we heard fiddling. When we investigated the source we found not a RV and a driver with poor hearing, but a fiddle contest with a faulty GPS. We stayed to listen to some of the greatest fiddle playing we have ever heard. The youth competition had ended and so it was nothing but seasoned (pickled) and astounding fiddle playing.

Fearing we would not be able to see the rest of the park in the dark we left before finding out the winner and drove to Badwater Basin. The basin is officially North America's lowest point at 282 feet below sea level. We briefly got out, but as with high elevation we felt a little off kilter and left for higher ground. Upon which time we were nearly passed by a coyote. The coyote playfully approached our van, smiling. We didn't want to know the joke so we drove off. He looked hungry.

We finished our tour of the park and were back on the road just as the sun tucked behind the hills.

 

Days 110 and 111 (Thu 11/8/12 & Fri 11/9/12)- Bakersfield, CA

Seeing this entry's heading you might assume Bakersfield was so enjoyable we decided to stay for 2 days. You would be wrong. I really can't describe a single thing in the city as enjoyable.

Anytime I had ever heard of Bakersfield it was regarding its glorious weather. Well, the sun snubbed us. I would go so far as to say it was chilly.

We spent most of our time researching the next leg of our trip and trying to find a damn magnet. I should explain.

After thinking long and hard about souvenirs, a collectible, that will take up little room, that is fairly inexpensive and will last for years, magnets seemed like the perfect solution. To date I have a magnet from each of the states we've been to and proudly display them on the inside paneling of our van. You may have seen a burro trying to eat one.

Bakersfield was our last chance at a California magnet. This meant searching several stores. I became so desperate that I even walked across the street to a gas station, while Isaiah ordered lunch. I came back empty handed and, worse, twisted ankled, after a pot hole bit me and a man with no teeth watched and smirked at my downfall.

Isaiah is completely mystified as to the importance/sanity of my magnet quest, but still drove all around town with me and helped me hobble around after the pot hole incident.

Day 109 (Wednesday 11/7/12)- San Francisco, CA

Our last day in the city, which meant we had gotten a bit of a handle on the bus system. Convenient as our legs were mounting a revolt. We tried, therefore, to tour more by bus than by foot. We started off on Mission to see food, culture, and conditions far removed from home. We stopped in a nice Mexican restaurant called Papalote, and enjoyed a gigantic and delicious burrito stuffed with carrot and potatoes. Bobby Flay, apparently, approves. Next to Haight-Asbury. (For my mom).

The Haight, to our understanding, is the emblem of Hippiedom and brings proud nostalgic flashbacks to those who grew up in the 60's and 70's and marched against the man and participated in free love and LDS (I think she meant LSD. LDS, that would be a bad acid trip, man) but today the area has changed. Or at least I can say I hope it has changed. We found the neighborhood still full of young people, still homeless, still looking for drugs, but without the idealism.

 

It was dark and we were tired so we had to abandon an exploration of the Castro district. Slightly deflated we ventured off to once again try the bar from "No Reservations."

The Tonga room is in the basement of the Fairmont hotel and looks to be an incredible place to book a private party. Having made the effort to come back after learning it was closed Mondays and Tuesdays, this news was a little discouraging. The Host took pity on us and let us take a peek. The Tonga room is a real treat. Elaborate pirate themed decor, drinks steep in alcohol and price and rain from the ceiling. The whole experience is worth having even in passing.

 

                       Animal shapes at the Sourdough bakery